[Korean Culture & Language] 자존감

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Korea has long been a culture that encourages humility and lowering themselves in front of others. However, having a 높은 자존감(High self-esteem) has become increasingly important in Korea. Some even believe that dating someone with a 낮은 자존감(low self-esteem) can be dangerous because they are more prone to becoming obsessed than average people. They are also likely to have trouble accepting positive feedbacks, lack self-control, and neglect their own needs. 

In the video ‘Characteristics of the relationship with someone who has low self-esteem,’ the guy who dates a girl with low self-esteem describes his girlfriend as ‘착한데 재미가 없다(nice but boring)’. He also says ‘애는 참 착한데 질리는 스타일이야 (she’s really nice, but I get fed up/ I get tired of her)’



So-Yeon leaves as soon as the team members arrive. She tells her boyfriend to focus on his work, but she sits directly behind him, oblivious to the fact that it may make him uncomfortable. After the team meeting, So-Yeon asks if Min-ah (who worked on a project with her boyfriend) is attractive and popular. “민아선배 인기많지? 나같아도 민아선배 괜찮게 생각했을 거 같아서 (Is Min-ah popular? I would have had a crush on her, too, if I were a guy)”. She continues to ask questions like “왜 대답 안 해? (Why don’t you answer my question?)” “오빠 혹시 아까 팀플할 때 내 얘기 했어? (Did you guys talk about me in the team meeting?)”.

They didn’t talk about her. 

When her boyfriend asks what she wants to have for dinner, she answers “오빠 먹고싶은거 먹자. 난 다 괜찮아 (Anything you want. I’m okay with anything)”. She keeps going and saying, “오빠 어제 뭐 먹었어? 오늘은 조금 가볍게 어때? 오빠도 어제 밥 먹었고 나도 밥 먹었고. 일식, 양식, 한식, 중식, 분식…(What did you have last night? What about something light today? You had rice yesterday, I had rice yesterday… Japanese, Western, Korean, Chinese, or snack bar…?” 

He asks, “Do you want 분식?”

Finally, she says what she wants: ‘I saw this Rose-tteokbokki on YouTube last night. They are popular these days…’. Even after having tteokbokki, she apologizes for choosing the menu, worried that he might have not enjoyed it.

She keeps asking him ‘why he likes her’.

Toward the end of the film, Min-Ah states “나쁜 사람들은 착한(자존감 낮은) 사람들이 다 만든다니까 (The nice people who have low self-esteem make regular people like us appear bad).”

On the other hand, many of the comments on the video read: That has nothing to do with her low self-esteem. It is the boyfriend's responsibility to provide her with appropriate affection and security. Instead, he makes her feel insecure by failing to express how much he cares for her and enjoys spending time with her.

Which side of the argument do you empathize with more?

 

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